Thanksgiving

so in the vein of so many recent posts and because I can't sleep for some reason, I wanted to thank some people for all the blessings in my life. I won't mention everyone I should but I do want to thank as many people as I can for always being there for me when I was having a crappy time.
first off...thank you God. I almost did that all in caps and lots of exclamation marks but it doesnt need to be said so loudly, I am just so grateful to Him for all the blessings, the trials I have faced, the times I have cried and been too pussy to ask anyone to pray for me or just too ashamed to say anything. I am thankful for His guidance in figuring out the best thing to do for myself while also figuring out what NEEDED to be done. I can't even count the number of nights Ive lost sleep worrying about how I was gonna pay for this, or save money for this, and i know Im not in the clear yet but I am working so hard and have never loved feeling so tired because I am reminded constantly of His graces in the work, and in my life. I am officially working now and I was called about a second job this morning and I was thinking to myself "why couldnt this have happened a month ago??" but I realized I shouldnt be bitter because it happened and thats all that matters at this point.

Before I thank people Id like to apologize for any behavior that didn't reflect the real love I have for you guys. I have been putting up a lot of walls and guarding myself from being hurt by others, hoping that it would make me stronger but it's just weakening my relationships, so yea sorry.

Anna, you are like the little sister I wish I had....even though I have 3 hahahah. I am so insanely proud of the person you have become and I take back all the things I said about you or any of your nerdy mannerisms or whatever. Im grateful for the fact that you hate talking on the phone but still talk to me all the way back to my apt after Im done working. I don't even have anything good to say. Kirs thanks for all the rides, the failed attempts at spontaneity, and the little phone calls you make to tell me about the most annoying or funniest customer you had that day. Thanks for singing His praises all the time. I thank God for your eyes and how they light our earth with their reflective surfaces...jk. Kathee, I know you saw me crying that one night and I know I lied like really badly, like bad movie badly, and you were still awkwardly attempting to help and it did. I laugh about that every time I think about it. see right now Im laughing. hahaha. Meechy, thanks for being vague, because it helps me stop talking. I don't need to talk as much as I do so when you keep it simple I tend to follow suit. I wish I could see more of you but we shall see. I am really thankful for the times you listened and then just said "icic" never judging, but also never encouraging my frustrations or anger or faults. Nimz, thanks for making me see things from a different perspective and not being afraid to tell me what you think about my decisions or desires. I didn't realize I was so close to you until I realized how much I missed you. Mattman, I haven't had a conversation like that with you in a long time and it was both refreshing and amazingly liberating. I grew apart from you for a long time and that was like an integral part in me seeking forgiveness for that shit. thanks for always having my back. Dav, I know we only talk online a few times a week and it's not like super deep or anything, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I am always interested to hear how things are going for you and Im always praying for you and Dee as you do your thing so far from your own family. GP, I'm thankful that you're safe and that you're able to talk to us more often even if Im a terrible person to talk to. don't call me anymore cause I feel dumb now. but I dont really mean that. Jill, you shouldn't tell me when you're in the library. you're just ASKING for it. I miss you terribly but it's not in a bad way, just more in a "dammit, why does she have to be so far that I can only talk to her on aim" kind of way. marites, you have always been so patient with me. I think I do most of my antics just to see you turn red. sorry. I hope I havent made you think less of me. Dean, I know we don't ever talk seriously but I really appreciate all that you do for LOG, your friends, and even me. You helped me out during bene conz stuff with bass and I never really got to thank you, but it helped me so much. You also make me laugh like not many people can so I would like to thank you for being so weird looking that I have something to laugh at all the time. hahaha jk Mel, I know we both get really annoyed with each other but I think since I still think you're a good guy after all the shit you give me, it means you must be a really good guy. I dunno what that really means but thanks for being my roommate. even though you sometimes think that entails other benefits.

Derrick and Brenton, you guys have kept me going this whole time. Derrick I see you like once in a blue moon and Im terrible about calling and keeping in touch, but when we hang it's cool cause none of that matters we're just there chillin. And even when I know it's hard for you, you drop a message or a text letting me know you're thinking about me and praying for me. I wish I could tell you how often I pray for you but I guess I need to call you more to tell you.
Brenton, you are my rock man and I don't know how many times I took advantage of your friendship or took it for granted, not realizing how much I could rely on you. You're the one person who has seen me at close to my weakest (I say close cause you still haven't seen my cry. cause Im not a pussy around you, you bitch). Anyways, forreal though, thanks for like always telling me to shut up when I say thanks or sorry cause even though I won't stop saying it, it helps me know why you do what you do for me.

I was gonna say thanks to my family but they don't read this and Im telling them in person tomorrow anyways. God bless everyone. Happy thanksgiving!!!